Andrew Orr
Some people use Apple's location sharing and features like Find My to keep tabs on their spouses, but a recent poll showed how divisive the technology can be.
Recently, one mother posted an informal poll in the BabyCenter community, a website that offers pregnancy and parenting tips for people. The community is a forum to keep in touch with other parents, and a recent discussion involved tracking spouses.
"My husband is traveling right now to see a friend. He's been gone since Friday and will be home tomorrow. When talking about his trip to a friend she asked me why I don't just track his location to see what he's up to.I would never do this, but I'm curious how common it is. She insists it's fairly common and if the technology exists why not just use it?
I'm of the opinion that it's a violation of privacy and even if DH agreed to it, sometimes less information is best. I also would not want to be tracked."
One in three of the 1,020 members who responded to the poll say they track their spouse's whereabouts and primarily use "Find My" and "Share My Location" on their iPhone.
The most common reasons for tracking included timing the significant other's return for preparing meals, making sure they safely reached their destinations, creating schedules to pick up the kids, and in case of emergencies. However, most of the comments on the poll were from people who disagreed, saying that they did not track their partner.
Many believed it violated their privacy and could increase anxiety from sharing too much personal information. Others said they weren't interested because they could text or call their partner.
Some comments also shifted to mention children and how some use the tracking technology for that purpose, especially ensuring teens who have started driving are okay. Aging parents are also a factor for some.
"I do know many in my friend circle and family have shared their location with spouses and even other family members," one commenter said in part. "I for instance can track my parents, which admittedly is helpful as they age in their home and will likely start dealing with dementia in the next few years."
Some like it not
The intentions behind such family tracking can be mixed, such as tracking a spouse in case of emergencies compared to tracking out of possessiveness or jealousy. But it adds another angle to the topic of tracking — especially with Apple technology.
AirTags can also be used for tracking locationsFor example, the same commenter mentioned, "I have "threatened" to throw an airtag in the car several times but never pulled the trigger." Apple's AirTags that it released in 2021 often appear in the media because they can track a person or object's location.
The company certainly doesn't market it as a device to track pets or children, but some people will inevitably use the devices in that manner.
Stories of stalking via AirTags appear every so often. In a report from March 28, Australian travelers discovered an AirTag in their luggage, forcing them to make significant changes to their plans.
And on March 23, former Love Island star Montana Brown shared how someone stalked her location using an AirTag.
But as the BabyCenter forum members share their stories, it's clear that — as always — technology can be used for good, in addition to ill.
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Charles Martin
Malcolm Owen
William Gallagher
Christine McKee
Wesley Hilliard
20 Comments
Our teenage son will begin driving solo some time very soon. I will definitely place an AirTag on the keying of the car key. This will serve the purpose of making sure the car key does not get lost permanently, but will also enable me to track my son’s whereabouts. As a parent, I believe that minor children have a minuscule right to privacy from their parents. The fact that I am responsible for my kids’ actions means that I also have a right to monitor them, so that I can effectively and conscientiously execute that responsibility.
Probably really depends how it is used. We have Find My (with sharing) enabled. We first enabled it to help with my dad, who was having medical issues. If he was somewhere on our land and didn't return as expected, it would allow us to locate and help him if needed. We also use it when my mom is visiting to tell when she's getting close, and in some cases, before calling her to see if she's home, so we don't interrupt her if she's not (she's the type to answer no matter what incase it is an emergency). My wife uses it with her mom in a similar way (why try to FaceTime Grandma if she's in the car).
My wife and I use it to see if the other has left work yet occasionally, know they've arrived at a destination when traveling, etc. We also threw an AirTag in our 4yo's pocket one time when we were taking him to a larger event. If he did somehow manage to get separated, it was that much better chance of us locating him quickly.
To be honest, the Find My isn't all that different than the fact that either my wife or myself can look at the Ford app and see where our car is at any given time, it's just easier and more convenient in Find My.
I can picture it coming down to the individual relationship though. We have a high level of trust and neither of us are likely to abuse it heavily.
We live in a really big city with good public transport, it has therefore been easy for our daughter to go anywhere anytime since she was very small. We use Location Sharing among all the family. First, we wanted to be able to check our daughter; at the beginning in case she got lost or went places she shouldn't, now to be able to get to her in case something untoward hapens. In order for her not to feel singled out for surveillance, we enabled Location Sharing on all our phones: she can see us, we can see her and each other. One never knows. And it is convenient for timing cooking, meeting in the city, making sure the other person arrived at the destination ok, and so on.
Also, rather than using it to spy on the significant other, I look at it the other way round: by offering to share my location I give my family comfort that I am not in inappropriate places. I have nothing to hide. But I would not like it if she INSISTED on tracking me, and if she requested we all turn it off, I would be OK with that.
If you're tracking a partner or spouse because you don't trust them, there is nothing healthy about that. Seek counseling right away.
If you do trust each other, it's a great tool when you enable the mutual sharing of location information. As noted, it's helpful for sorting out things like when to start making dinner, allows for reassurance that the other person is safe, as when a traffic accident on your partner's usual route is reported, and you can quickly check to see that they've already made it to their destination. It can reduce the experience of mild annoyance when you're waiting for the other person to come home or come pick you up. If you know they haven't even left yet, you can occupy yourself with other things, rather than entering an idle holding pattern too early. Also, you get to be the hero when they've mislaid their phone someplace, or when they have some sort of problem and need you to come to where they are.
All that works well when there's mutual trust. I'd be cautious about using it before that's been established. Of course, it's not an all-or-nothing proposition. You can temporarily enable location sharing from maps once you've set a route. So if someone's waiting for you to pick them up, or someone is concerned about you arriving somewhere safely during a snowstorm, you can share just that trip with them. They can see your progress on the route and then it shuts off when you arrive.