Friend is the creepy and dystopian iPhone accessory that might just work

Think of the Humane AI pin and then throw that thought aside like its overheating battery burnt you. Think of the Rabbit R1 and wonder what happened to that.

Now we have Friend and it could even become a hit. That's partly because of the socio-economic reality that it's cheaper than all the rest, and partly because of the fact this AI friend thinks whatever you're doing, you're doing it great.

It's like a puppy dog in that sense, a puppy dog that can send you messages and which the makers say is always positive. You already read news that's slanted toward your interests and your political beliefs, but get a Friend and they'll always agree with your every thought.

Friend is a device you wear around your neck, precisely like the kind of alarm elderly people wear in case they fall. It links to your iPhone and while you press Friend to say things to it, Friend replies via text messages on the phone.

The Friend company's launch video shows conceivable uses, and some pretty much inconceivable ones. The very first is of a woman running and as she stops, she gets an encouraging message from her AI Friend.

Since Friend works with an iPhone — and solely with an iPhone — then yes, okay, location tracking, maybe workout tracking, it could be done.

But later there's a woman watching TV on her phone while eating falafel. Friend interrupts the show to comment on it, which may be the first time you would want to take Friend from around your neck and stamp on it.

Then it's asking how the falafel is. Unless she ordered it online and Friend made some calculation based on delivery time or when she usually eats lunch, that is no longer friendly. That's fully creepy.

And it's really sketchy when some sauce falls on the Bluetooth microphone, and it responds "yum."

But wait, there's more

And as if we've caught Friend out, the launch video now includes much more of the dark side of this device.

So here's a man playing a video game with some real-life human friends, friends who are close enough to him that he can say aloud that he hates the game. They all just let him vent, but Friend sends him a message about how bad he is at this game.

What.

Forget that it has to know he's playing a game which appears to be on a console connected to a TV rather than on his iPhone. Forget that it has to know the score, and even forget that it must be listening, may have caught that line about hating the game.

Instead, concentrate on how Friend is now mocking the guy. Suddenly there's a diet criticism implied with the falafel comment, too.

And now a nervous woman is sharing a calm, serene haven with a guy, the first time she's brought anyone to her special place. Anyone except Friend.

The video plays with how she has to stop herself automatically pressing the button on Friend to do something or other. And being slow enough at stopping herself that the man notices.

This is not a relationship that's going to go the way she wants. That man is out of here.

But it's okay, because Friend is with you. Friend is always with you. Friend knew that man wasn't right for you anyway. No one is right for you, except Friend.

This is Tamagotchi for the 2020s, the movie "Her" exemplified. Instead of either of those dying off because you chucked them in a drawer and never thought twice, Friend sounds it's going to fight back.

It's you and me, kid, besties forever. Like Chucky.

Or else.

Friend costs $99 and there's no subscription. It can be pre-ordered now from the maker. It starts shipping in Q1 2025.

Enjoy your last few months of freedom.