Wedding banned - Apple Watches not welcome at fashionista's ceremony

It's a long walk up that aisle, and wedding guests could even hit their stand goal in church, but one couple is insisting that nobody wears an Apple Watch to their special day.

Whoever this couple is, conceivably they are really old-time, die-hard traditionalists who believe there is no place for any watch at a wedding, because astoundingly, that turns out to be a thing. It isn't enough of a thing that Apple Watches were singled out in either the Liber Urbani etiquette guide of the 12th century — a real page-turner — or the more famous Debrett's Guide to Etiquette and Modern Manners in the 1970s, but it's a thing.

To be fair, all we really know is that a user on Twitter has posted about getting such an invitation. And that their post has uncovered an entire world of etiquette you've never thought of.

The very first comment on that post claims that wearing "any watch at a wedding is kind of [a] red flag." But many others say uh-huh, obviously, you don't wear a watch to a wedding, everyone knows that.

Specifically, it's the bride and groom who are not supposed to wear watches, but generally anyone wearing one is apparently implying come on, come on, get to the reception dinner, we're starving. A 2001 edition of Debrett's does also state that it "is most important that any mobile telephones and watch alarms are switched off" at the bit where the congregation is asked if they have any objection.

That one seems fair. You can imagine Siri misunderstanding "declare it now or forever hold their peace," and saying aloud, "here are some search results I found on the web."

Only, this couple did explicitly say no Apple Watches. They didn't say "no smartwatches," they said "no Apple Watches."

You can understand them not realizing that there are Android smartwatches, because no one does, but apparently they didn't try to cover off all platforms by just saying "no smart devices."

So you can play Monument Valley on your iPhone, if you like, just don't look at the time on it.

In sickness and in health

We don't know these people, but we're forming an opinion. It sounds as if the anti-Apple Watch mandate is a fashion thing.

That's chiefly because apparently, it is. In the long thread the original poster responds to someone by saying "I felt the same... She works in the fashion industry and wanted a certain look."

Maybe they're not really saying that if you wear an Apple Watch you're too poor to be seen in our wedding photos. Maybe they're not really saying that their perfect day would be ruined by an Apple Watch Ultra 2 sticking out from under the best man's suit sleeve.

But they are saying that if you have a medical condition, tough. Your doctor is just going to have to put up with a day's break in your continuous health monitoring data.

And don't Google "how many people die on their wedding day," because you get a very bleak list of results. Some of which are to do with heart failure, too, and while the Apple Watch Series 10 somehow lacks a defibrillator, it can still give sufficient early warning of issues.

Or it can if you're allowed to wear it.

Good thing Apple hasn't brought out a smart Apple Ring yet.